she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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