I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Randomize
