the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
