Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
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