She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
It was confusing and full of hummus
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Is Oprah even human
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
