at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
