I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
