we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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