ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
