"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
