nut hugger
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
