Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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