He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
