can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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