Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
