Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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