I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
being pregnant is like rehab
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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