I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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