I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
