Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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