I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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