Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
