____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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