I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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