It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Vodka?
Forever.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I supernannyed him into submission
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
