dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
