I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
