dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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