I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
