Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.