i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
23 People Confess The Trashiest Thing They’ve Seen In Person
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
19 Transgender People Reveal The First Sign That They Were Trans
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.