We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
