i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
we're making bets on your personal life
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.