wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i love accidental penises.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
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Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
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Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
i've created a new STD.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.