My liver just broke up with me...
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.