I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.