By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
