just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
