sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
