it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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