I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
