Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
