I hate all girls vehemently.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
