I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
