clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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