i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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