my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
