I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
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So squirting runs in the family.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
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I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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