We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Randomize
