I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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