But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
