He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
