the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
