If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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