I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm just crazy horny about you
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
