so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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