Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nutella sex= disaster
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize