I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
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