John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
And then he peed in my hair
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