i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
