AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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