You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
