Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
