this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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