No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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