i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
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