my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
