I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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