After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
