she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
