This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
There was a lot of him and a little penis
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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