Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
