Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
